Gimme A Gun. Thanks

I shake my head in disappointment, shake in the most unsatisfying manner. I feel utterly pissed. PISSED!! &*^&*@%&^@$%#%^@$, Thats more like it. That~~ pissed.

Imagine signing a contract knowing only your pay is rm7.50 hourly and your job description is receiving inbound calls or making outbound calls persuading customers to purchase the proposed items in the program. Then, 1 week or so later, you receive a direct email stating that your sales target is 3 perday and accumulates with the following day if the target is not achieved. There had been many other reasons at work that displeases me.

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Now, i had simply lost my passion for my job. My vigor and zest for the job dies away like a burning fire lacking of oxygen in an enclosed system. I couldn't speak to the customer with true empathy anymore, i feel like i am forced into a huge scam trying to cheat the customer. I question the integrity, i refuse to let go as the person who treats every person on the list like a friend. Always trying to relate the benefit of the product to that person. I pray i do not succumb to be a desperate telemarketeer, i wish to do inbound full time. I want it my way. No i can't. I am not happy. I want to shoot her. Gimme a gun. Bang. Thanks.

Being in inbound puts me in the position where i am to help the customer achieve his/her need. Question them of their specifications, question them of their budget, understanding their need basically. Sadly, i am still knowledge deprived of all the hewlett packard products, i had to put them on hold or request to call them back. The ever changing challenge, fresh problem, unveiling methods to solve the problem is exactly what i want in my temporary job.

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Not some mother****ing unneccessary pressure and stress.

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I left my laptop idling for hours as i went to meet some friends at steven's corner. Here i am. I remain slightly puzzled, partly enlightened over some rather interesting matter shared with me. I received a fair share of discussion, arguement, theatre art, experience sharing and some extra spice of pissed off moment. Every passing second was held to its end in the tense apparently 'test' session. My brain spinned fastest in these frames of time compared to the unworthy day. I was however recommended for some test, to test if i am a dominant nut, influencial rascal, stable monument or perhaps a combination of the few.

I shall retire for the night. Cheers.

What Is Life All About ?

A friday evening. A cozy house with smooth bouncy leather sofas. A group of people with the same goal. A cell group it is, everybody came from all over the place; regardless of the traffic, distance and their own convenience. All with the same goal, to discover the purpose of life or what is life all about?. We watched a Dvd that comes with the program, it was Rick Warren giving an introduction about the program. Anyhow, after the Dvd, Pastor Michael took to the next agenda, where he briefed about the first chapter of the study guide.

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He threw the question to the floor. "Has anybody here previously thought about what life is all about or why on earth am i here for?"

That! made me weight the matter in my mind with thoroughness and care, searching the memory bank of a faulty device up in my head. I scanned my life as if i was watching a movie of myself growing up in stages. All different things that i got engrossed in at different stages through my life up till current.

I am afraid i haven't thought about life before i was a believer. I was just too busy. I was an easily excited boy. The world was full of wonders, so i try to learn about anything that i find interesting. When i found something, i won't let it go for a period of time. In this period of time, i would fill my mind with just that thing. Most of my life was spent on a chair in front of a computer playing different games all the time. All i do is play, play without care for anything else. All i thought of was the game, it was just me in my game- completing quest, gaining higher levels that i may learn new abilities or obtaining more gold for ridiculously amazing items.

If you ask me for a favourite, it would be Advanced Dungeons and Dragons Rule; Baldurs Gate, both Shadow of Amn and Throne of Bhaal. I have never travelled so deep in a game. I entered the place people call 'The Zone'. 'The Zone' is like an imaginary plane where gamers went deep enough to lose his awareness of his current state and became one with the character. A person in 'The Zone' would respond " I bet the dragon did it, hold on, i'll get rid of her " when you scream to his ears that the house is on fire. *True story*

It was said life without purpose would seem tiresome, unfulfilling or even uncontrollable. To think of it, i think my life back then was not unfulfilling. I was having 'the time of my life' with all the endless entertainment. I have been used to life being uncontrollable, it was almost a fact to me that i can't control everything. To add to that, everything around me that time was a big mess. However, i think i would agree with 'Ryan of the past' that life that time was tiring. I was throwing all my strength and focus into games, sports or whatever entertaining items for consistently a certain period of time. I don't think the word tiring is strong enough to illustrate that lack of power. Perhaps, exhausted. Life was the furthest thing from boredom though.

I know it's not a really building post, nothing to be enlightened about. Nothing to prove. Just what i thought is most interesting that should be noted for today.

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To Reader, (if any)
What do you think life is like for you? What on earth are you here?

Downloading.....

It has been years, an unimaginable length of time had passed. Now, i am back on my feet. Urrh, it's actually only 2 weeks passed. What?! Seriously?

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After all these holidays, today is a different day. Today is my first day of work for this new job i got at Hewlett Packard. Pretty much idling around. Just observing. Just hiding behind conversation of someone else. Just listening. Just asking questions. They call it 'Training'. I love being under training. Its all about being passive and not feeling guilty about it.

Its Hewlett Packard!. The interior design of the office as innovative. Captivating!. Bright colours with curvy stylish walls. Not to mention, the decorations and facilities. What you are about to read may disturb you. In....the...pantry....., there are two.......... OSIM massage chairs and apparently, every morning; there is free nasi lemak and appetizing cakes for breakfast accompanied with a choice of nescafe, milo, or tea.

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Its the end of the day, Simon, Teo and I begin our journey home. Each on their own destination which branches into three different area. On my way back, walking on a pace slower than everybody else, i was experiencing an old lost feeling. It was all coming back to me, transfering to my mind like fragments of images downloading from a dusty harddrive left in the storeroom years ago.

I came here for tuition. I came here to eat. Put it short, it was hangout land!. I enjoy browsing these slideshow images in my mind. Its the same feeling you look through a picture album with every picture taken from the view of your eyes.

Superposing on top of all those, practically, now i see mamak grocery shops filling up the area, one was available every few steps away. I witness the growing characteristic of a metropolitan town; the flash-like people marching in all directions. Most of them knows where they want to go, but when they reach that somewhere, they think to themself "Nah, this is not where i want to go". It could just well be that i am seeing things, seeing wrongly into people. Making a blanket statement about a group of people there, without knowing them. Anyway, that is insignificant. They didn't know how i think, i didn't believe at what i thought that time, it was merely a hypotheses. Nobody got hurt. Soon, when i get to know each of them one by one, my hypotheses will be strecthed and tested. As much that i am sure that people are evil (what a cynic!, lol), i am sure my hypotheses will tear, it will break. By then, i achieved something. I carried out an experiment and concluded it.

A New Shackles, Job - An Old Friend

The rotting potato that lives in my room is finally getting a job. Wait~ Yes, it is confirmed, he got the job. By the way, that's me.

Just think about it. A new job, a part of the life cycle somewhere everybody has to go through. An old friend begs to differ, it can be seen from his living style. He doesn't study, he doesn't work, he just plays computer, eat, sleep, read comics. I have no clue to what he has been through, not a bit except for these words he said to me "by avoiding the path of generating negative emotions for both parties, isn't that the best path? by avoiding conflict there would not be any need for resolving conflict . and since i know that if my point of view on alotta controversial matters influence other ppl , it will just mean if anything goes wrong , i'll be the scapegoat rite?"


It seems like a path with absolute no purpose. Well, actually the closest purpose i can see is avoiding, hiding, escaping, running away from something. Clearly, fear drives this kind of life. I took the liberty asking him over for lunch, preparing pasta, spaghetti. I hope to enter his state of mind, to understand the situation and hopefully advice and help him.

He is a person who made impact on my life. When i was a little kid, running around town innocently doing nothing but reading magazines and playing computer games. This guy has been doing things above his age, he was mature. I looked up to him, i consult him and sometimes i yearn to be like him. Many stages in my life, he kept me going, we grow together in Christ. In fact, i attend the church he first attended, but sadly he no longers attend it. I pray with all my heart he comes back to God.

May the King, Friend, Warrior and Mentor in me prove its worth.
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On a another note, Teo helped me find a job. Many thanks to him, now i am hired. Hired and placed in Hewlett Packard, the only thing i know about the job is that i have to call singaporeans and offer them hardwares, i can imagine the fun and dreadful part of the job already. I have telemarketting background and i don't think they vary much. Wish me luck and hope i don't get fired too soon.

Blog Rules

I couldn't write, i am irritated and i can't write when i am irritated. Anyway, i would like to claim that my blog is open for debate and comment, but it is not a free-for-all. In lurking on some other blogs, I felt the same way with Deven. I have decided to post it here:

“One of the reasons I love to blog is how it enables intelligent discussion. The blogger throws out some ideas, and if the post gets enough attention, the post will have some discussions generated in the form of "comments". Sometimes people who send their comments are clear, concise, and convincing. Even if the blogger doesn't change his mind about the idea on which he posted, perhaps he'll better understand a different point of view. Best yet, future Internet users my find the post and comments useful results from an Internet content search. Unfortunately, there are a few factors which can limit the usefulness of the blog post/comments.
A concept called "comment spam" is both aggravating and annoying. A few years ago, I had a blog that was running along very smoothly until one day I noticed that I'd received some 200 comments attached to various posts. After peeking at a few of them, I soon realized that they were all just generic comments such as "I like it!" or other random text that didn't make any sense. Each one had a link to a typical spam web site advertising a dating service, generic Viagra, mortgagees, etc. Fortunately, I was able to quickly remove all of them programmatically, but a dilemma was created: On the one side, I like to keep my blog posts open to comments, but I don't blog so that people can advertise bogus web content to my blog readers.
Another factor which limits the usefulness of a blog is a concept called "trolling". A troll is a post which is intentionally incorrect, but not overtly controversial, or the act of sending such a message. Trolling aims to elicit an emotional reaction from those with a hair-trigger on the reply key. A really subtle troll makes some people lose their minds. Trolling is more about diatribe than discussion.
To prevent comment spam and trolls, comments on this blog will be moderated. The purpose of the moderation is NOT to prevent people who have a different point of view than I from posting comments. Abiding by these simple rules will ensure that your comments are posted.
1. No comment spam. Advertising a site by putting up unrelated mumbo jumbo is not tolerated. If it’s not relevant to the blog, don’t link it.
2. No trolls. If you have a different point of view than is expressed in a posting, keep your opinion fact-based and free from personal insults.
3. Keep the language clean, free of profanity, racism, bigotry, etc.”
http://blogs.msdn.com/devenkamp/articles/349997.asp

I only beg the society to be considerate. Ryaniquel, out.

To Feel Trapped Outside

It was a simple friday. Honestly, i didn't achieve much on this simple day, however i attended my cell group at derek's house. We prayed for the upcoming kickstarting 40 days of purpose driven life programme for the church to be a success and a life changing process. The hangout at a nearby mamak was fabulous, it was lively. People yacking and chattering around in the noisy and friendly atmosphere. I got pissed off a bit by a women who tries to change the channel away from what i was watching at the stall. I was watching Malaysian Idol happily before this chinese lady wonder about trying to change to some chinese channel. Out of a feeling that tells me - i am so right -, i went over and told her to buzz off and that many people here are watching the show. I gave that stern, fierce and confident look through my brown eyes. She buggered off quickly back to her seat and look at me blankly, while i hover slowly back to my seat with that grin on my face.

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The climax of the night hits when Eirene reaches and whispers to Hazel that her car keys were locked inside her car. She was lost. She had no clue about anything. I can see it in her eyes, in her hands and most obviously in her look. It was a look of sigh, just sheer defeat. That defeat was intense, its a mixture of irritation, dissatisfaction and embarassment. Being a emphathatic person, i shared it. I can easily tapped into that feeling and FeeL it. Feel it hard and cold. Like ice shards hitting your lungs. No kidding. Its how it really feels. On top of that, the coldness of the ice sends chills down your soul. That's the worst part.

Kumar and I was quickly putting maximum efforts to save the car keys hanging attached to the engine trigger slot. Shaked the car, Jumped on it, Gave it a good kick, Bit it, Begged it. Nothing works, not even a single response. Oh, of course, the car can't respond. The most practical one was inserting strings, wires and straws through a little gap on the windscreen trying to open the windscreen bigger, however its futile. Most embarassingly futile. Imagine trying to steal your own car, trying to pick the lock of your own car in public. How bad can it be huh? Experience it yourself for the true feel.

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Anyway, there is a spare key in her sister's bag at home. So, least there is a way out of this problem without smashing the windscreen. Yes, we considered that too.

Cheers.

Trapped In A Kettle

I am boiling. However i am not angry, the problem is i could not actually express this frustration. On a concurrent conscience, i have always know to speak what is good here on the quill of inspirations. I would not slander nor express childishly how unfair life has treated me or how much dislike i have for certain people. Therefore; i hesitate, i hesitate to continue further writing. I do not have the peace with me, the peace that passes all understanding which keeps my heart and mind on Jesus Christ. Without it, i am simply out of focus, i almost could not tap to my feelings and mind. How then can i write. How then can i be sure of my work. I am a writer in a state that is unable to write. All i have now is complains and whinings, dissatisfied with the way my life going through. People think i am an ass, people think i am arrogant, people think i should die. Well should i? Hell no, they should die. enough said. I hesitate to write further.

Haha, I am a Genius

I came across this english level test, took it honestly. Its fairly simple, just grammar and some english tricks lying here and there. It enables me to post up my results easily through some prepared codes, so anyway, i attached my results below.

English Genius You scored 92% Beginner, 100% Intermediate, 100% Advanced, and 80% Expert!

You did so extremely well, even I can't find a word to describe your excellence! You have the uncommon intelligence necessary to understand things that most people don't. You have an extensive vocabulary, and you're not afraid to use it properly! Way to go! Thank you so much for taking my test. I hope you enjoyed it! For the complete Answer Key, visit my blog: http://shortredhead78.blogspot.com/

How you compared to other people your age and gender: You scored higher than 39% on Beginner You scored higher than 64% on Intermediate You scored higher than 88% on Advanced You scored higher than 76% on Expert

Link: The Commonly Confused Words Test written by shortredhead78 on Ok Cupid

Why Do You Blog?

I was questioned several weeks ago, "Why do you blog?". At that moment, i remember how i started blogging. It was more like society pressure, everyday i realize that more and more people own a blog. Everybody got a their space, their share of the free and liberal internet. So i went to start a blog at a Blogger, staring at the empty post thinking what do people write? Henceforth, i went on a quest to find out what people blog, i look around randomly at blogs figuring their inspiration behind their posted message.

Most inspiration really have to come from your daily encounter with life, with situations, with conversations that you have with other people. There is a whole abundance of inspiration from everything around us, the only trick is to see it and let your mind absorb it.

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Ultimately, blogging promotes communication and communication is good. Men of the past shed blood for out right to do this, and that's because free speech empowers, educates, challenges and informs us. When you read history, you'll notice that people were easily enslaved or corrupted when their literacy was controlled or forbidden. This is why it was against the law to teach a slave to read or write. If they could keep them from communicating their ideas to each other on a broad scale, they could control them. This is also one of the reaons why the natives many countries were easily conquered; They had no real written language. the pen or the keyboard is indeed one of the mightiest tools we have, and with great privileges.

Although basically, communication is good, it can be used for great evil. We all know that it is written propagrandas that brough Hitler to power, and the endless creepy stuff on the internet. That's why i like blogging. It's more of an exchange with the author inviting his reader's thoughts and opinions. Sadly, i don't seem to be getting much comment. I wanted this to be a forum where the exchange is sort of public, so i feel more accountable and careful. For example, I'm not going to gossip or try to initiate and extra-marital affair on a blog.

To think of it, people who write have to, and why would we try to stop them? It would be to our own disaster. The bloggers of today are similar to those people who wrote on caves in the beginning. It's the way they share what's inside of them. To express means to show what's inside. For example, my friend, Ban, think of what he means when he says "Wah lao eh, tear until his skin all came out and you can see the flesh inside the skull, damn nice", saying those while try to illustrate with his hands demonstrating how its done. Yes, he is saddist. However, it's still his right to express himself. Everyone expresses themselves through something, and that need is placed there by the Creator. Like him, we want to be known, intimate, revealed.

Blogging enables me to remove my mask of society and be true to myself. To sit, think and type while searching myself. Its really a blessing if i get constructive comments, as feedback is like food to blog authors.

Another major question answered, to myself and to everyone. Cheers.

Be Serious or Be Single

Its 2 days after my church camp now. During the second day of the camp, there was a huge gathering of youth playing games like catch-phrase, pictionary and all sorts. It was tremendously noisy and merry. Everyface was filled with excitement, laughter, and anticipation. In their minds, so eager to win, so eager to prove their worth, and skill in the game in order to gain acknowledgement. The sense of healthy competition brings fun within peace and encouragement, not to mention that it brings out the tiger in you.

Then, it was 2 am, many couldn't hold their eyes any longer and went away. Back into their room and slumber, to get their deserving rest after a whole day of madness around the resort. I was just sad, i did not bring any junk food to the camp out of ignorance and lazyness. But, i was hungry. No amount of literature can bring the meaning of hungry clearer than the phrase " I AM HUNGRY, Urgh! ". I was searching for food in other people's room. I would eat anything that proves itself edible. Thankfully, Hazel made tomyam maggi in my cup and she gave it to me just like that. Thank the Blessing and Giving Lord. I enjoyed the given luxury sent from heaven.

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Kumar suggested spinning truth bottle. So we were all in a circle, and he spins. The bottle gently spin in torque and stop pointing at Kumar mischeviously. After 2 spins, the bottle decided to let me taste being the victim of the game~ forcing me to participate rather than laughing at a corner and commenting at replies of others. Quickly Kumar asked, "I had always wanted to know, why are you still single until now?". I chuckled and replied in a slow manner "Its the very simple dreadful fact about me, i am very choosy".

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I quickly remembered most of my friends that treat girls like trophies and challenges. Which did influence me in the early stages until my mentality changed. From then onwards, i decided to have expectation of my dream lady, to seek compatibility, the ability to travel minds. Exaggerated, however my point is from then on, if i ever get into a relationship~ it would be simply real, sincere. Nothing more than my wish to be with her, to love her, to be loved by her. It would be for real, no such thing as divorce. The presence of the Lord would be in the relationship and household. Unreal as it might be, it is very possible i believe deep down inside of me.

The problem with most people now, especially the local ones, those boys behave like wild pervert monkeys that are highly superficial. They seek the flesh, ultimately they seek to jump into pretty pants. They progress into relationship which is rather instant, then request forcefully for intercourse. Regardles of rejection, their determinance do not end. They got into a relationship with the wrong reasons. The moment its the wrong reason, it would not last. A fight is waiting around the corner, despair just lower down the hallway and painful heartache nearer down the end of the path.

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I didn't say much, i related my friend's dilemma of being controlled by his girlfriend as the joke then quickly, Kumar tells the sorrowful story of Daniel. Many asked me "Why are you single?". I personally do not think its a question to ask around. Its a question never easy to answer. A question which is belittled its power. I searched high and low inside, and i found it.