The Mess Sorting Mess

The past weeks has been the most interesting days i've ever had. Incidentally, it was also most messy. I don't mean physical mess although i can't deny that my room is an absolute mess. Every night when my brother and I goes to sleep, all our little trinkets comes to life and have its routine battle leaving a random arrangement all over again.

Well, yeah.
It's been messy.
My heart's in a mess.
My mind's in a mess.
My stomach is confused.
I haven't figure whats the problem and surely, i cant figure a solution.

I cramp and push all these pile of mess to a spot back in my head in order to be able to work, cook, eat; basically to carry on living.

Often, i love weekends. Weekend is when i lay back and chill, go out and drink coffee, bury my mind in novels, go out to do some shopping.

Because there was a mess..
Because there was a state of confusion...
I know i need to fix it,
I decided i need to clean...

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I needed a sense of accomplishment, and well-living. I woke up and begin with some chatting and then to sorting. As i was sorting my massive wardrobe mess, I felt that as i do so, concurrently i was also trying sorting my life.

Life. as in my future.
what do i want?
-in my career
-in my relationship

At completion, the air was fresher, smooth fresh lavender replaces that fragrantless dusty environment. In a way, sorting out these physical mess around me became my escape route out of the mess in my mind and heart. Unfortunately, i still couldn't sort my life. Issues too complex. Or is it that i made it complex? It just IS complex.

This complication that i cannot understand and solve is just driving me to the brink of insanity.

As i just finished washing both cars at home, i felt like i have achieved something. I have created a brighter possibility for the future. I have also created the possibility for the car to get dirtied again.

Then i understand, i can't keep a close watch over this heart of mine anymore. I need to let live take control of it. Even if it has the possibility to get 'dirtied' again.