Generosity

He who has a generous eye will be blessed,
For he gives of his bread to the poor.

Proverbs 22:9

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Quite the ordinary evening, my boss requested for my presence. Shahril called me and inform in the most urgent mannered tone that boss is looking for me. From the purchasing unit, carrying 2 huge rolls of vinyl samples, i rushed to view inside of the greeting room; my boss sitting patiently staring into space.

Have a seat
Thanks
Oh you ran here?
Yeah, no sweat sir.
Was getting these from purchasing.
Ah right, so first of all, as you know the company is giving bonus but you and shahril are still under probation, so on behalf of the company, *passes a piece of memo* we're giving you something like an angpou in good spirit of the festive season.
Cool.Thanks mate. I mean Thanks Sir.
No problem. Btw, tuck in your shirt
Stare in silence
Someshirt aren't nice when tucked in.
Tuck in your shirt
Yes sir.

I need to treat someone. I called Kumar for a drink later. I'm paying!

Priorities

Recently, my application to work as a process engineer with an italian company in Lumut, Perak has escalated to the next stage. The interview went well, everything was all i could have hoped for. Everything, especially its the biodiesel industry. In the matter in fact, its going to be the first plant in malaysia that will be doing mass production for the country to fuel our cars.

The timing was exactly as i have predicted. I knew biotechnology, petroluem engineering would head this direction. Of course, i have read about the nation's goal to work this direction about 5 years ago.

As dandy fancy it may sound for a chemical engineer graduate, i have much to decide. In fact, i can't decide. How should i decide? I don't know what i want. I don't know what God wants. This had to happen nearing the end of January where my current company is about to decide whether to confirm me or to ~you know~ fry me up.

Change
Change is good
Change is frikken scary.

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So on a usual morning, as i was preparing breakfast, i thought these are one of the type of issues that its best i seek advice from my dad.Aafter my dad did his daily run on the treadmill, i looked at him.
He stares at me
What?
Pa, you're aware of the biodiesel job offer?
Ya, have you decided?
I shoke my head
I wanted to ask you, what would you do?
Then he spoke on priorities in life. We have to have priorities, with them decisions would be less difficult to make. Everything will fall into place.
What do you think my priorities should be?
You tell me
God~~
God's everywhere
Thats the problem.
Seriously, i need help - what would you do if you were in my shoes?
I can't give you an easy way out, its your call to make decisions. To learn from ur decisions.
I stare in silence
When i was at your age, our circumstances were very different. Know ur priorities
Geez dad, thanks

I've decided mine. Have you?

The Mess Sorting Mess

The past weeks has been the most interesting days i've ever had. Incidentally, it was also most messy. I don't mean physical mess although i can't deny that my room is an absolute mess. Every night when my brother and I goes to sleep, all our little trinkets comes to life and have its routine battle leaving a random arrangement all over again.

Well, yeah.
It's been messy.
My heart's in a mess.
My mind's in a mess.
My stomach is confused.
I haven't figure whats the problem and surely, i cant figure a solution.

I cramp and push all these pile of mess to a spot back in my head in order to be able to work, cook, eat; basically to carry on living.

Often, i love weekends. Weekend is when i lay back and chill, go out and drink coffee, bury my mind in novels, go out to do some shopping.

Because there was a mess..
Because there was a state of confusion...
I know i need to fix it,
I decided i need to clean...

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I needed a sense of accomplishment, and well-living. I woke up and begin with some chatting and then to sorting. As i was sorting my massive wardrobe mess, I felt that as i do so, concurrently i was also trying sorting my life.

Life. as in my future.
what do i want?
-in my career
-in my relationship

At completion, the air was fresher, smooth fresh lavender replaces that fragrantless dusty environment. In a way, sorting out these physical mess around me became my escape route out of the mess in my mind and heart. Unfortunately, i still couldn't sort my life. Issues too complex. Or is it that i made it complex? It just IS complex.

This complication that i cannot understand and solve is just driving me to the brink of insanity.

As i just finished washing both cars at home, i felt like i have achieved something. I have created a brighter possibility for the future. I have also created the possibility for the car to get dirtied again.

Then i understand, i can't keep a close watch over this heart of mine anymore. I need to let live take control of it. Even if it has the possibility to get 'dirtied' again.