Disturbed Inside Out

I have taken my life, today, and hurled it against a wall. Not from an impulse of self-destruction, but simply from a momentary seizure of frustrated feeling. And just like a bottle filled with a bitter fluid, my day was blown into a thousand little pieces. Fragments of all shapes and sizes -- scattered here and there.

I've picked some up. Examined them. Pondered their shape. Tossed some aside, saving three or four of the most interesting pieces, or the moat irrelevant. And now -- now I offer you these few shards.
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It was a fine Friday morning after waking from an excessive slumber after going through some notes for my nearing examinations. Sitting in front of my laptop, with fried eggs and coffee happily jumping into my stomach while reading the news on a local newspaper website. I read that the Prime minister wanting economic change and besides that everything else was rubbish, just articles on how bad humans can be. Sad--sad--

Since i was driven to the edge of boredom being at home, i got down to the university about 4 kilometres away. At the library, everybody was busy and anxious about their exam just hours later-- Gawd! it was noisy, it looks more like the market- selling answers perhaps?. Sitting by a couch staring into chirag's notebook figuring about the campus network- i watched across the crowded hall, the excitement in every student to compete with each other in a standardized test. It was full of movement too, and yet at the same time it looked like a still photograph. The art never seen and realized in tertiary education.

As soon as i got home, i studied as promised to-myself. An hour later, the words begin to float around and clearly i know i need to get more rest. Ah, dinner time- lucky me, there was sashimi on the table. Of course! it was my father's birthday. In case of conclusion jumping, i bought him gift. Surely he can afford anything better than i can, so its just a gesture that me and my brother still remember and more importantly-Care.

Off i zoom to pick Heidi from her place, got a little lost at first but finally found the way to her palace. When i stopped for waiting, i got a uncontrollable flashback- Where i was leaning against the wall on her living hall couch watching her sing 'The Greatest Love Of All', absolutely memorable because she was singing as if she was carrying the greatest voice of all that time. She walks to the car past slowly, -- as if carried with the moonlight. I admired her grace, amazing how she can walk and move her hair at the same time. Her footsteps were light and from what i can tell, her face looked glad that her transportation is here. She was attractive--however she is attached and loves her boyfriend very much.

Her image cut me deep. I was moved to the core. She was beautiful- lovely face with almost Roman nose, long wavy hair hanging over her radiant skin, so tightly clothed-i am not sure she can breath. But not only was she beautiful-- she was serene. Something about feminine girls. They always get to me. It not only made her more divine but it made her angelic. Then maybe its long since the last time a girl talked continuously in an honest manner to me, but every moment of the conversation was just pleasing to the ear. I listened attentively to her voice and wish she would never stop talking.

Last night I stayed up late. Getting to bed at about 3am. Trying to find sleep with a my mind fresh memories of the day's undertaking. As i lie there in a thousand sleeping positions, every time i close my eyes, i begin to undergo my friday all over again. And yet however, i could not find rest. My mind was pulsating like a heart injected with steroids. I was disillusioned,-- i felt lost. I refuse to believe what i think i know is the reason. I am my own challenge- i am a body on a bed with a great civil war.

And still, on the bed, i roll on.